What I've learned in the last year!

You know, I think about the year that I just had and it makes me tired even thinking about it. It was one crazy year. You know how Mark Twain wrote, "It was the best of times and the worst of times." I understand what he was saying. In the last year I've lived with a alarm clock stuck inside my chest. I feel this urgency to get myself prepared spiritually, emotionally, and physically for something. I am not sure what it is, but my internal alarm clock is going off. "It's time, it's time! Get going, get going!" it screams at me. I sometimes get discouraged because I feel I have such a long long way to go. I am far from perfect and though I know I will never reach perfection on this earth, I feel I must try my best. I watch families and marriages fall apart more often and I struggle each and every day to keep a good grasp on mine. This last year has been such a roller coaster of emotion for me. I've had more sadness and more happiness in this last year than I've ever experienced in my entire life. I've learned more, the hard way usually, but occasionally I don't have to go down the hard road to figure it out. =) Occasionally! =) I've had to practice faith in a way I've never had to. I've been humbled to my knees on several occasions. I've cried in public bathrooms, in my car, in my room, and even in the closet on one occasion. I've felt completely isolated at times followed by a strong sense of someone being with me. I've felt lost and afraid followed by calm and and a great sense of clarity. I guess what I'm getting at.....is that life has really been a serious case of the ups and downs for us this last year. But I am so eternal grateful.

I've been praying for months that the Lord would mold me into the person I need to become to please Him and myself. I've been trying harder to think of others over myself and to be a better family member, wife, mother, and friend. I still am working on it, but practice makes perfect right? =) With this request I knew that the only way to truly grow is through trials. I knew that those trials, dependent on how I dealt with them, would mold me into that person. If I had more faith, relied on the Lord more than myself, and stayed close to Him always, I would pass. So I've tried to do just that. However, I found myself, to my dismay, complaining about the trials that are given to me. =) Duh! Right? But then I have to repent for my stupidity and try again. I hope someday to get it right. One of my dad's favorite sayings is, "tough times don't last, tough people do." I'm going to be tough. I'm going to have faith because I know the Lord has a plan for me. He's been my only friend when I've felt the most lonely. He's the only one that could cheer me up, and I plan on showing Him how grateful I am by passing this series of tests that are thrown at me. I will not give up. I may miss a question on the quiz occasionally, but I will pass the test.

Something is coming! I'm not sure what or when. But something is coming. I can feel it in my heart and soul. I'm preparing the best I can. I'm preparing my family. Because when life falls around my ankles all I have is my family and my Heavenly Fathers love and guidance. And I am okay with that. I will be prepared for whatever may come at me, because I am daughter of God and I owe it to Him to show Him how grateful I am for everything He's given me.



It's funny how bright the light is in the dark. And how easy it is to find that light if you just open your eyes.