R.I.P Adolencence! =)

You know, there are a lot of things I DON'T miss about high school and being a teenager. I didn't like the petty attitudes of other teenagers, I hated the drama that always seemed to be at your heels, I hated zits =) lol, I hated feeling like I was wasting my time dating a bunch of silly boys looking for the right one. In a lot of ways being a teenager is a lot rougher than being an adult. Being unsure of who you are and where you will end up, fighting with yourself to abstain from things you know that will not make you happy, no matter how fun it sounds. =) But despite the hard things we had to go through, those are the things that made us into the people we are today. Now as an adult, you do sometimes have trouble with petty adults and the drama, so that never truly goes away, but it lessens. =) The zits aren't as fierce, I no longer have to worry about dating the wrong guy, since I found the right one. I still don't know completely who I am, but everyday it gets a little clearer and I look forward to finding out who I am capable of being. I know where I am and have a gist of how things will end up. I no longer have to abstain from those things that weren't right when I was in high school, and the temptations you had in high school, aren't really temptations anymore. I now have a family who means the world to me, and they bring me so much joy, but it is a different joy than I had as a teenager. My life is so much better in so many ways now. But I do miss some things about being a teenager that I wouldn't mind getting back. I miss NOT KNOWING what was going to happen, I miss loving so passionately that you couldn't sleep at night, I miss wanting nothing more than to be able to talk to my boyfriend on the phone all night long. I miss being able to make spur of the moment decisions to go somewhere, not having to pack a diaper bag, and just having to get MYSELF ready. I miss being able to spend 2 hours in the bathroom primping because I had the time. I do miss not having to be responsible. lol I know that sounds selfish, but we all think it, I am just the only one who will admit it. lol I miss driving around town HOPING you will run into that special guy. I miss the anticipation and butterflies in your stomach when the guy you like leans in for a kiss. I miss being able to get with my girlfriends and painting our toes gushing about the cute guys in our history class. I miss road trips and the laughter that seemed to come so easily. I miss having a reason to dress up and going out. I miss my size and lack of stretch marks. =) I miss laying in my car with my legs hanging out the window, trying to get a little Vitamin D, while listening and singing along to the radio. I miss being silly and being expected to be that way. I miss the way I felt when that special guy looked at you like you were the coolest and prettiest thing he'd ever seen. I miss being proud of my figure. =) I miss not having to worry about whether I had snot or food stuck to my shirt before I headed out the door. I miss going to the grocery store myself. lol I miss thinking that holding a special guys hand was heaven and not wanting to move the tiniest amount afraid I would disrupt my wonderful moment, no matter how sweaty the guys hand got. I miss the love notes and sentiments that seemed more frequent. I miss my husband not knowing my flaws and thinking I was perfect. lol =D I miss not already knowing what my days would consist of. =) These things are the things I wish I could relive again. =) I love my life now, but I do miss those desires and intensity that my life once had. =) The great thing about having kids, is that you get to watch them experience all those things you loved. That is the blessing of children, getting to watch them enjoy their lives while trying to keep them from making the same mistakes you made, to intensify that joy even more. But one of these days I am going to convince Quinn to rent a convertible, lay on his lap with my legs hanging out the window while we listen and sing to the radio, on a road trip to see the ocean. Now that is bliss! Then I will take the kids to Disneyland and experience a different sort of bliss. =)

From heartbreak to BLISS................

You know, I think I forget sometimes how blessed I truly am. I feel sorry for myself when something goes wrong, or things don't go my way, but I am so very grateful for the things I have in my life. I got to thinking today...............I have an AMAZING husband. He is flawed like anyone else, but he truly is God's gift to me. He is so helpful, caring, and a spectacular father and husband. He is asleep on the couch with my son and I don't think that there is another picture in this world that I love to see. He's so fun to look at too. lol He gets better looking with age. I wish I had that gift. lol He helps me cook, clean, take care of the kids, he's considerate and understands when I need ME time. I don't know what I would do without him. So here is what I was thinking earlier. We all have the guy that broke our heart. The one that was our first love and we never forget. If you are lucky, this man is your husband, but lots of us dated other guys before our husbands, so it's only natural to have this "first love" in our lives. Although I can hardly call it that anymore, because I can honestly say I didn't know what love was until marrying Quinn. But you know what I mean. =) So I was thinking about it the other day..........."my first love" was totally opposite of what Quinn is. He was outgoing, not shy, outwardly funny, sports watcher, etc. I usually dated guys like him. So I got to wondering what it was that drew me to Quinn. But first I have to give you a brief glance into my heart break. I WAS MADLY IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY...........at the time. =) But my family moved and we were like 3 hours away. So I guess he decided it was too hard and decided to break my heart in the worst way imaginable. He had his friend, whom I HATED and never got along with, break up over the phone for him. And it was hurtful too, his friend was not kind. He told me that he didn't care about me, didn't want to talk to me, etc. It was harsh. Then he wouldn't answer my phone calls........blah blah blah! =) And we were friends WAY before we dated, so it was doubly hurtful. It was awful. I think that was the first time I felt truly pummeled by someone I cared about. So I honestly thought that this guy was EVERYTHING I wanted in a future spouse. Not that I planned on marrying him, but he had the qualities I wanted. Well..........a lot of them. lol So I got to thinking about the type of guys I dated and what qualities I liked in those guys. As I said earlier, I went for guys that were outgoing, outspoken, etc. So when I thought about my future spouse, I pictured a guy with these qualities minus the cruelty in breaking my heart. lol But I am soooooooo thankful for that heartbreak at the same time. It made me really think. My life would not be as sweet without that heartbreak. I also realized that I thought I knew myself, but God knew me better. Those characteristics that I was looking for in a husband, DIDN'T MEAN A THING!!!! In fact, I think about the guy that broke my heart, and I am happy for him in his new life, because I realize that he WOULDN'T have made me happy in the long run, despite what I thought. Quinn is; quiet, shy, not outspoken, not openly funny but quietly witty, he doesn't make me laugh with jokes but makes me laugh by being funny when he's not trying to be, he is a hunter not a sportster, he's a little OCD and a bit of a clean freak lol, he's loyal, gentle and kind, he would die before he purposely hurt someone, and you know what is the best thing of all? He's PERFECT for me. All those things I thought I needed in a spouse and I realize that there is NO ONE that could handle me and my diabetes and health issues like Quinn. In fact, I think of that "first love" and I am pretty sure it would have been an issue were we to have stayed together. So I think it is amazing that God took the time to say, "Maleri, I know these are the qualities you think you need to be happy, but I KNOW what you will need to be happy and it's the complete opposite of what you are dating." lol We think sometimes that God doesn't care about the small details in our lives and yet He cares enough to get involved in my dramatic love life. lol I will tell you a secret! Quinn and I fought like cats and dogs when we were first married. In fact, I thought I made a HUGE mistake in getting married. WE WERE SO DIFFERENT! But now I could not imagine my life without him. I thought at one point, I would end up divorced, but Quinn fought to keep me, which meant the world to me. He was willing to do whatever to keep me, like I was willing to keep him. So we worked it out, and have been ever since. Yes, we still argue. Frequently actually, but they are just disagreements and we have gotten very good at agreeing to disagree. =) Besides that, makeup sex is AWESOME! =D lol I can hear the gasps. lol After almost ten years of marriage we still have a great sex life. Which, lets face it, it's important. I won't get into details, don't worry. =) lol We've been through the rough, tough, and the ugly. But we've also experienced bliss, contentment, and happiness. He is my best friend in the world and I know I can trust him with anything. He still does little things that bug me, like not washing his shavings down the sink. Hell, he still does BIG things that bug me, like often seeing the glass as half empty quite often. =) Which I know I have things that bug the crap out of him. =) lol But I wouldn't be willing to give up all the good things about him to get rid of the bad. We work well together and are still working well together. Ten years is like 50 in the worlds view now. lol He is the only man I know, that wouldn't push my ICE COLD feet off his warm legs in the middle of the night. lol In fact, he always just says, "Burrrr, your feet are ice sickles." lol He always just lets me keep them on him. lol I once peed on the man and he still loves me. lol Funny story, but another time. =) Now that is love. =) So when I wonder why Quinn is so different from all the other guys I dated, I now count my blessings. I now thank God that He knew better than I of what I needed, rather than what I thought I needed. I hope everyone finds that love. First loves hurt usually, but they make true love sooooo much more sweet. I hope everyone finds their true love. And for all the girls still dating, trying to find their true loves.........keep your eyes open. God might have something else in mind for you. =) And accept it, you won't regret it. But be sure to pray! =) He can't tell you what to look for if you don't ask. =) Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go warm my ice sickle feet on my husband's legs. =D lol "Burrrrr, your feet are ice sickles." lol "Sorry honey!" =) I love you Quinn...........................God gave me you!!!!

Sunday Morning Mayhem =D

So I am going to be honest.........I don't like 9 o'clock church. lol I really struggle with that time. Getting two little girls and myself ready is just a little overwhelming at 7 in the morning on a Sunday. Yes, we have to get up that early to get there, and most of the time we are still late. I try to be prepared. Honest. I try to set out the kids clothes on Saturday, put curlers in Jolie's hair the night before, etc. But something always happens. Kids are dressed, eat breakfast, and then we have to change again, because Bridger has spilled all over himself. Or one of the kids has lost one of their shoes or they have misplaced mine. =) But like last week, everyone was ready except ME!!!! I thought my white shirt was clean, but to my dismay it was not. So of course I have to find something else to wear........which is not an easy task, especially when you have made up your mind the night before of what you are going to wear. So.....tonight I tried again. Kids are cleaned, Jo's hair is in curlers, kids clothes are set out.........including my own =), toes are painted, all shoes have been found, so I hope we will be set. =) The Saturday song really frustrates me.......=( ''Saturday is a special day, it's the day we get ready for Sunday.......yeah but it doesn't say anything about Sunday morning's; spill on the floor, shoe that vanished in the night, breakfast disaster, explosions of diapers 5 minutes before church, heel that breaks when walking out the door, car won't start, forget tithing, scriptures, snacks for baby, or diaper bag, or baby wipes nose on daddy's tie or mommy's shirt, slammed finger in the car door, fall down the stairs, or SOMEHOW the alarm clock gets turned off (nobody knows how.......Quinn) lol. *sigh* These are all scenarios that have happen to me. lol But we try again. Nothing like walking a family of 5 through the middle of sacrament meeting because you are late.........EVERY SUNDAY!!!! =D So we try try try again. lol If it wasn't against my religion, I think a cup of joe would help, but since that's not an option I try a little water on the face. It's not very effective though. lol So...tomorrow we will once again, start again. lol Bring it on Satan! Give me all you got. There is nothing I am not expecting at this point. So goodnight all, I must get up at 7 o'clock in order to make to church.........PRAY FOR ME!!!! =/